Shorts’ 10 Year Anniversary: The Adventures of Chief Dance Hard Rip Pants & the Chickenhawk

by Good Sign on May 1, 2014

By Kevin Alan Lamb

Short’s makes great beer: I love beer. Turns out, they’ve been making great beer for 10 years now and wanted to pack the most people that have ever been to Bellaire in a single day for one hell of a party! I also like to party, believe it or not. So much so that when I dance I get reeal low on the dance floor and from time-to-time rip my pants: thus was birthed the name, “Cheif Dance Hard Rip Pants”, my spirit name.

Everybody knows that a man such as Chief Dance Hard Rip Pants must be accompanied by an enthusiastic warrior bird: thus the Chickenhawk was manifest upon the horizon, literally, hovering above I-96, preying on inferior creatures below. Chickenhawk is a fierce and enthusiastic predator – and did I mention that Chickenhawk is enthusiastic? Well, of course I did because Chickenhawk is to enthusiasm what KBS is to fine craft brew. If you haven’t had the privilege of savoring the experience that is a Kentucky Breakfast Stout from Founders, then I’m sorry, but don’t you worry, no matter the current state of your health, happiness, or tendency to have or not have fun, you may yet have the opportunity to sit at the big kids table and make sweet love to a KBS. If Chickenhawk was an automobile, 1. he’d be a Chrysler and 2. he’d run off only the finest craft beer. Is he a beer snob you ask? God damn right he is! Not only does he have a taste for the sweet nectar from the heavens, he also produces it!

Never trust a Chief unless his warrior bird brews fine consumable. And with their beer brewing and beer consuming arrangement (he brews – we consume) a bond was forged like the rings that would one day rule them all. With such consistent consumption Chief Dance Hard Rip Pants and the Chickenhawk must follow their hearts and ears to the music that will ensure they get low and burn the fine brew which flows through their veins. On the road they travel North, South, East and West with Carl Jr., their happiness device that connects them with other great chiefs and warrior birds. Chiefs like Joe Short and his warrior birds that brew and served 99 scrumptious libations on their 10th anniversary to the flooded streets of positive patrons grateful for Short’s creations. And with the assumption of consumption Chief Short’s arranged the strange with Billy Strings & Don Julin, among the finest pickers within the Mitten and beyond. Recognizing the thrill instilled in the crowd by Carl Jr., Chief Dance Hard Rip Pants and the Chicken Hawk, William Apostel (Billy Strings) proclaimed their name in the microphone and in that instant ensured the pair that care will always be home where strings are strung and joyous songs are song from lungs that combat guns with love and the light that shines upon us all from above.

The legend of Carl Jr. is folklore never to bore and will soon be delivered to every man and woman’s front door, and lift hearts long sore and seemingly beaten, but not yet defeated, so long as the soul wishes to keep eating, and the chiefs and warrior birds of the world keep feeding and caring for heart’s long bleeding, and for the desperate long needing, and for the depressed from happiness fleeing. Throughout their silly antics the Chief and Chickenhawk are hopeful romantics calming panic with their attention on the ascension of their people and plight for peace and the dreams behind their eyes at night. And with the attention of the nation the legend of Carl Jr. will spread across the Seven Seas and offer hope to those pleading for their life from their knees. The Chief and the Chickenhawk deal hope like it is dope to cleanse the soul from darkness that produces notions of ending it all with a length of rope. They divide and conquer and share their love like the drug that it is; the drug that too many miss or maybe never had. Few are privy to the man and his plan to lift the fear from the eyes and the hearts of the people on this planet, but even if the newsman had this story he wouldn’t have ran it because when he sees a fire he is certain to fan it, and if he learns of men giving away hope and love he’d be certain to find a way to ban it! But free souls told the man on the news to can it! And started sharing good news of good people and good music and good beer and good ganja and suddenly they had the world’s attention.

And with it they kept dancing because Breathe Owl Breathe had taken the Short’s stage and the crowd wished they’d never leave but there were so many great bands to see and you won’t believe it but the day festival was FREE! All because of the good people that concerned themselves with the quality other fine-folks would receive, and it was shocking to see but none of the fine-folk in Bellaire were hugging trees, but they loved them and even their leaves! With their mutual commitment to reciprocity the town became a family united not by blood but love and happiness tangoed with smiles that fit like gloves on the hands that wished to change the world, so they did! And with their voices they made choices that helped and not hurt, and hoped others would learn how a Chief and a Chickenhawk’s heart’s could burn and yearn for the happiness of others and their mothers and for strangers and for everyone because the alternative is futile and un-original and they wished to leave their fingerprints upon the shaping of a healthier and more harmonious universe.

Volunteers to be the change we all wished to see in the world, but remember, sight isn’t a prerequisite of vision and our mission has taken the place of the uninspired and their uninspired wishing that equates to a fool without a line fishing for self-serving desires void of wisdom, because to be wise you must have eyes willing to see and hear and feel and insist that we enlists our effort and time to combat cowardice and crime against our people, their bodies and minds! So we have emerged a protagonist and Good Sign that hope is prevalent and care relevant, and like an elephant integrity is a beast that doesn’t forget, so when you choose to destruct, rather than lift you best forget the gift you feel entitled to and when times grow tough don’t expect a little love because your understanding of karma was never true, and with your record only playing the blues, because of your tendency to use and choose only yourself and your erosion until your inevitable explosion and dissipation from this earth because light will disperse darkness and alleviate our vibration of your curse!



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